The Confidence No One Talks About

Silence has a strange way of showing you what you're really made of.

These past few weeks, I wanted to step back, observe, and reset.

And in that silence, I noticed something that a lot of people miss: the best insights don’t come when you’re speaking. They come when you’re silent enough to notice what’s really going on.

For me, it meant going back to the basics: walking home without headphones, jotting down thoughts, actions, and intent. Letting my mind wander and noticing how it reacted when there was no noise to distract it.

So this week, let's start with confidence.

This piece is for anyone who’s felt their confidence dip. Maybe you’ve questioned yourself after a setback, maybe you’ve overthought every move, or maybe you’ve found yourself watching others more than you should.

Here's what you’ll take away:

• Why rebuilding confidence isn’t about “faking it till you make it”

• The psychological traps that quietly erode self-belief

• A framework I use with high performers to reset self-awareness and momentum

The Truth About Confidence

When I think about confidence, here’s the mistake I used to make: I thought it came from comparing myself to others. From proving I could measure up.

But the more I looked outward, the smaller I felt inward.

Studying high performance created two mental shifts that changed everything for me. What I realised with time was that:

1. You don’t just study the opponent—you study yourself.

2. Your biggest opponent is always you.

I’ve seen this in myself. In sport, in work, in life. Some moments I’ve “lost” were, hand on heart, because the other side was better. The other half of those moments were because I wasn’t fully aware of how I reacted in the moment.

And here is a core truth: confidence is built by paying attention to your patterns, your reactions, your choices. When you study that as closely as an athlete studies film, you stop playing on autopilot. You start playing on purpose.

Why Psychology Matters Here

In psychology, this links back to something called self-regulation theory. 

Self-regulation sounds like a clinical term, but in reality, it’s simple.

It’s the ability to monitor and control your own thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in the moment—rather than running on autopilot.

It’s the difference between snapping at someone when you’re frustrated, or catching yourself and choosing to respond with clarity.

When confidence cracks, most of us default to past experiences and emotions to guide decisions. We lean on old patterns, even if they’re no longer useful. But with self-awareness, you bring yourself into the here and now. You stop reacting on impulse and start choosing with intention.

And the more you do that, the more control you have over your tomorrow. 

That choice is confidence in action. It's trusting yourself to act with intent, not impulse.

The Framework I Use

This is one of the core frameworks I use when working with people. Forget the grand gestures or overnight transformation. We focus on developing awareness in real time.

• Notice what triggers you - the moments where you catch yourself spiralling into comparison.

• Pause long enough to study your reaction instead of rushing past it.

• Choose the response that reflects who you want to be, not who you were yesterday. Then take a small, 'insignificant' intentional step forward.

Most things in life come from small micro-decisions. It's no different here. Those micro-decisions add up. It’s not dramatic. It’s not flashy. But it’s in those small, deliberate choices where confidence grows.

Final Thoughts

That’s why I stepped back into silence: to study myself with the same intensity I'd study a competitor. And what I found was simple: silence, observation and noticing your reaction teach you more than words. And every time you notice it, you gain ground in the only game that truly matters: the one against yourself.

So if you’ve been doubting yourself lately and lost confidence, don't wait for some distant, arbitrary moment to reclaim it. Start now, because your future self isn't far away. It's the next moment. Every small adjustment you make today is a vote for that version of you.

Until next time,

Oliver

Mental Performance Coach | Talent Advisor